Lilli Cooper’s no fluff newsletter.

Helping surgeons perform, and feel, better.

Lilli Cooper’s no fluff newsletter.

Helping surgeons perform, and feel, better.

Lilli Cooper’s no fluff newsletter.

Helping surgeons perform, and feel, better.

Keeping your inner critic happy, without letting it run the show

The 'inner critic' refers to our negative self talk. While it can be very motivating, it comes at a cost - it can cause significant distress, and limit learning, growth and performance.

How can we develop a more compassionate inner voice, without losing the motivation that we get from it?

Keeping your inner critic happy, without letting it run the show

The 'inner critic' refers to our negative self talk. While it can be very motivating, it comes at a cost - it can cause significant distress, and limit learning, growth and performance.

How can we develop a more compassionate inner voice, without losing the motivation that we get from it?

Keeping your inner critic happy, without letting it run the show

The 'inner critic' refers to our negative self talk. While it can be very motivating, it comes at a cost - it can cause significant distress, and limit learning, growth and performance.

How can we develop a more compassionate inner voice, without losing the motivation that we get from it?

Key insights:

The 'inner critic', 'saboteur', or 'committee' refers to our self critical inner voice.

We constantly judge ourselves in relation to others, in the context we find ourselves, and tend to have signature behaviours that we deploy if we find ourselves lacking, e.g. take control, work harder, seek reassurance, avoid the situation or self-sabotage.

These behaviour patterns are often based on what worked for us as children, or what we learned were of value through observing others then, or since.

Many surgeons feel indebted to their inner critic - I wouldn't have got to where I am without it - but evidence suggests that self compassion supports performance and learning better than self criticism, both in the moment and over time.

Often simply becoming aware of it can help us reevaluate and appraise automatic self-referential judgements and habitual, self limiting or unsustainable behaviour patterns that we later resent, regret or feel ashamed of.

Characterisation and psychological distancing techniques can help us notice it in action, pause, and choose to respond more in line with our current reality, identities and goals.

Building our intrinsic sense of self worth, and supporting our general health and recovery, can reduce our reactivity and vulnerability to self-criticism. Interestingly, developing self-compassion also affects how compassionate we are with others.

References:

Festinger L. A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations 1954:7:117-140

Sokova Bet al. Breaking the vicious cycles of self-criticism: a qualitative study on the best practices of overcoming one's inner critic, BMC Psychology 2025;13:266

Kuchar AL et al. Resilience and Enhancement in Sport, Exercise, & Training (RESET): A brief self-compassion intervention with NCAA student-athletes. Psych Sport Ex. 2023,67:102426-

Neff KD, PommierE. The relationship between self-compassion and other-focused concern among college undergraduates, community adults, and practicing meditators. Self and Identity 2013;12:160-176

Key insights:

The 'inner critic', 'saboteur', or 'committee' refers to our self critical inner voice.

We constantly judge ourselves in relation to others, in the context we find ourselves, and tend to have signature behaviours that we deploy if we find ourselves lacking, e.g. take control, work harder, seek reassurance, avoid the situation or self-sabotage.

These behaviour patterns are often based on what worked for us as children, or what we learned were of value through observing others then, or since.

Many surgeons feel indebted to their inner critic - I wouldn't have got to where I am without it - but evidence suggests that self compassion supports performance and learning better than self criticism, both in the moment and over time.

Often simply becoming aware of it can help us reevaluate and appraise automatic self-referential judgements and habitual, self limiting or unsustainable behaviour patterns that we later resent, regret or feel ashamed of.

Characterisation and psychological distancing techniques can help us notice it in action, pause, and choose to respond more in line with our current reality, identities and goals.

Building our intrinsic sense of self worth, and supporting our general health and recovery, can reduce our reactivity and vulnerability to self-criticism. Interestingly, developing self-compassion also affects how compassionate we are with others.

References:

Festinger L. A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations 1954:7:117-140

Sokova Bet al. Breaking the vicious cycles of self-criticism: a qualitative study on the best practices of overcoming one's inner critic, BMC Psychology 2025;13:266

Kuchar AL et al. Resilience and Enhancement in Sport, Exercise, & Training (RESET): A brief self-compassion intervention with NCAA student-athletes. Psych Sport Ex. 2023,67:102426-

Neff KD, PommierE. The relationship between self-compassion and other-focused concern among college undergraduates, community adults, and practicing meditators. Self and Identity 2013;12:160-176

Key insights:

The 'inner critic', 'saboteur', or 'committee' refers to our self critical inner voice.

We constantly judge ourselves in relation to others, in the context we find ourselves, and tend to have signature behaviours that we deploy if we find ourselves lacking, e.g. take control, work harder, seek reassurance, avoid the situation or self-sabotage.

These behaviour patterns are often based on what worked for us as children, or what we learned were of value through observing others then, or since.

Many surgeons feel indebted to their inner critic - I wouldn't have got to where I am without it - but evidence suggests that self compassion supports performance and learning better than self criticism, both in the moment and over time.

Often simply becoming aware of it can help us reevaluate and appraise automatic self-referential judgements and habitual, self limiting or unsustainable behaviour patterns that we later resent, regret or feel ashamed of.

Characterisation and psychological distancing techniques can help us notice it in action, pause, and choose to respond more in line with our current reality, identities and goals.

Building our intrinsic sense of self worth, and supporting our general health and recovery, can reduce our reactivity and vulnerability to self-criticism. Interestingly, developing self-compassion also affects how compassionate we are with others.

References:

Festinger L. A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations 1954:7:117-140

Sokova Bet al. Breaking the vicious cycles of self-criticism: a qualitative study on the best practices of overcoming one's inner critic, BMC Psychology 2025;13:266

Kuchar AL et al. Resilience and Enhancement in Sport, Exercise, & Training (RESET): A brief self-compassion intervention with NCAA student-athletes. Psych Sport Ex. 2023,67:102426-

Neff KD, PommierE. The relationship between self-compassion and other-focused concern among college undergraduates, community adults, and practicing meditators. Self and Identity 2013;12:160-176

More about this here:

You can read more about The Inner Critic in this article I've written for the Bulletin of the Royal College of surgeons.

Read the article

More about this here:

You can read more about The Inner Critic in this article I've written for the Bulletin of the Royal College of surgeons.

Read the article

More about this here:

You can read more about The Inner Critic in this article I've written for the Bulletin of the Royal College of surgeons.

Read the article

Got 5 minutes?

Frustrated in the coffee queue?

Raging in traffic?

Feeling anxious waiting for the patient?

Spot your inner critic in action from what it says, or how you feel or think about yourself, others or the world around you. Notice it, get out of your mind and into your body through taking a slow, deep out-breath, and connect with what's important in this moment.

Spotting your inner critic

A simple 3-step reset

01 Notice

Notice your inner critic in action. Acknowleage them.

Label thoughts, feelings and behavioural urges as just that.

02 Pause

Connect with your experience in the current moment.

Take a slow outbreath, notice your anchor points or rub your fingertips together.

03 Choose

Be kind to yourself and choose how to respond.

Choose to do what is important in this moment, or aligned with your goals.

Got 5 minutes?

Frustrated in the coffee queue?

Raging in traffic?

Feeling anxious waiting for the patient?

Spot your inner critic in action from what it says, or how you feel or think about yourself, others or the world around you. Notice it, get out of your mind and into your body through taking a slow, deep out-breath, and connect with what's important in this moment.

Spotting your inner critic

A simple 3-step reset

01 Notice

Notice your inner critic in action. Acknowleage them.

Label thoughts, feelings and behavioural urges as just that.

02 Pause

Connect with your experience in the current moment.

Take a slow outbreath, notice your anchor points or rub your fingertips together.

03 Choose

Be kind to yourself and choose how to respond.

Choose to do what is important in this moment, or aligned with your goals.

Got 5 minutes?

Frustrated in the coffee queue?

Raging in traffic?

Feeling anxious waiting for the patient?

Spot your inner critic in action from what it says, or how you feel or think about yourself, others or the world around you. Notice it, get out of your mind and into your body through taking a slow, deep out-breath, and connect with what's important in this moment.

Spotting your inner critic

A simple 3-step reset

01 Notice

Notice your inner critic in action. Acknowleage them.

Label thoughts, feelings and behavioural urges as just that.

02 Pause

Connect with your experience in the current moment.

Take a slow outbreath, notice your anchor points or rub your fingertips together.

03 Choose

Be kind to yourself and choose how to respond.

Choose to do what is important in this moment, or aligned with your goals.

Listen on the move

Too busy to watch, or consuming on your commute? Listen to audio on the theme of The Inner Critic, here!

Listen, here!

Listen on the move

Too busy to watch, or consuming on your commute? Listen to audio on the theme of The Inner Critic, here!

Listen, here!

Listen on the move

Too busy to watch, or consuming on your commute? Listen to audio on the theme of The Inner Critic, here!

Listen, here!

Fancy a takeaway?

There is an exercise in the Bulletin article, to get to know your inner critic and what they are worried about. A further exercise is here...

Download a home exercise

Fancy a takeaway?

There is an exercise in the Bulletin article, to get to know your inner critic and what they are worried about. A further exercise is here...

Download a home exercise

Fancy a takeaway?

There is an exercise in the Bulletin article, to get to know your inner critic and what they are worried about. A further exercise is here...

Download a home exercise

Spotlight on

Below are a few (affiliation-free featured resources that might that might help you get to know, and even leverage, your inner critic.

PQ assessment

Find out more about your inner critic, here, with the Positive Intelligence® PQ assessment score.

Know your critic

Cultivating Self-Compassion

Take some time out and for a loving-kindness meditation with clinical psychologist, Tara Brach.

Practise compassion

Turn criticism into momentum

Channel competitiveness into motivation with tools like competitive to-do list apps.

Use your critic

Spotlight on

Below are a few (affiliation-free featured resources that might that might help you get to know, and even leverage, your inner critic.

PQ assessment

Find out more about your inner critic, here, with the Positive Intelligence® PQ assessment score.

Know your critic

Cultivating Self-Compassion

Take some time out and for a loving-kindness meditation with clinical psychologist, Tara Brach.

Practise compassion

Turn criticism into momentum

Channel competitiveness into motivation with tools like competitive to-do list apps.

Use your critic

Spotlight on

Below are a few (affiliation-free featured resources that might that might help you get to know, and even leverage, your inner critic.

PQ assessment

Find out more about your inner critic, here, with the Positive Intelligence® PQ assessment score.

Know your critic

Cultivating Self-Compassion

Take some time out and for a loving-kindness meditation with clinical psychologist, Tara Brach.

Practise compassion

Turn criticism into momentum

Channel competitiveness into motivation with tools like competitive to-do list apps.

Use your critic

Low hanging fruit:

Do try this at home

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend.

If you talked to someone else the way you talk to yourself you would have a restraining order issued against you. Talk to yourself like you would to someone else that you love or respect.

Low hanging fruit:

Do try this at home

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend.

If you talked to someone else the way you talk to yourself you would have a restraining order issued against you. Talk to yourself like you would to someone else that you love or respect.

Low hanging fruit:

Do try this at home

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend.

If you talked to someone else the way you talk to yourself you would have a restraining order issued against you. Talk to yourself like you would to someone else that you love or respect.

Did you knowse...

Our stress response is similar when we demean, undermine or shout at ourselves as it would be if someone else was demeaning, undermining or shouting at us.

Did you
knowse...

Our stress response is similar when we demean, undermine or shout at ourselves as it would be if someone else was demeaning, undermining or shouting at us.

Did you knowse...

Our stress response is similar when we demean, undermine or shout at ourselves as it would be if someone else was demeaning, undermining or shouting at us.

Good Thinking

"In life, we cannot always control the first arrow; However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional."

Gautama Buddha

Good Thinking

"In life, we cannot always control the first arrow; However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional."

Gautama Buddha

Good Thinking

"In life, we cannot always control the first arrow; However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional."

Gautama Buddha

I am looking for 5 surgeons to pilot The Surgeon's MDT

Register interest

I am looking for 5 surgeons to pilot The Surgeon's MDT

Register interest

I am looking for 5 surgeons to pilot The Surgeon's MDT

Register interest

The next newsletter will be about ADHD for surgeons

Submit any questions here

The next newsletter will be about ADHD for surgeons

Submit any questions here

The next newsletter will be about ADHD for surgeons

Submit any questions here

Know someone who'd love this?

Forward it on

Know someone who'd love this?

Forward it on

Know someone who'd love this?

Forward it on

Who is Lilli?

A surgeon by background and also a professional coach

This newsletter aims to share relevant, concise tips to help surgeons perform, and feel, better.

Thanks for being here — feel free to message with thoughts, suggestions, or just to say hi.

Who is Lilli?

A surgeon by background and also a professional coach

This newsletter aims to share relevant, concise tips to help surgeons perform, and feel, better.

Thanks for being here — feel free to message with thoughts, suggestions, or just to say hi.

Who is Lilli?

A surgeon by background and also a professional coach

This newsletter aims to share relevant, concise tips to help surgeons perform, and feel, better.

Thanks for being here — feel free to message with thoughts, suggestions, or just to say hi.

Disclaimer: This newsletter is provided for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice or professional services. The information shared should not be used for diagnosing or treating any health conditions. For personalised medical advice, please consult with a licensed healthcare professional.

Inner Critic

Lilli Cooper’s no fluff newsletter.

Helping surgeons perform, and feel, better.

Lilli Cooper’s no fluff newsletter.

Helping surgeons perform, and feel, better.

Lilli Cooper’s no fluff newsletter.

Helping surgeons perform, and feel, better.

Keeping your inner critic happy, without letting it run the show

Keeping your inner critic happy, without letting it run the show

Keeping your inner critic happy, without letting it run the show

Key insights:

Key insights:

Key insights:

More about this here:

More about this here:

More about this here:

Got 5 minutes?

Frustrated in the coffee queue?

Raging in traffic?

Feeling anxious waiting for the patient?

Spotting your inner critic

01

Notice

02

Pause

03

Choose

Got 5 minutes?

Frustrated in the coffee queue?

Raging in traffic?

Feeling anxious waiting for the patient?

Spotting your inner critic

01

Notice

02

Pause

03

Choose

Got 5 minutes?

Frustrated in the coffee queue?

Raging in traffic?

Feeling anxious waiting for the patient?

Spotting your inner critic

01

Notice

02

Pause

03

Choose

Listen on the move

Listen on the move

Listen on the move

Fancy a takeaway?

Fancy a takeaway?

Fancy a takeaway?

Spotlight on

PQ assessment

Cultivating Self-Compassion

Turn criticism into momentum

Spotlight on

PQ assessment

Cultivating Self-Compassion

Turn criticism into momentum

Spotlight on

PQ assessment

Cultivating Self-Compassion

Turn criticism into momentum

Low hanging fruit:

Do try this at home

Low hanging fruit:

Do try this at home

Low hanging fruit:

Do try this at home

Did you knowse...

Did youknowse...

Did you knowse...

Good Thinking

Good Thinking

Good Thinking

I am looking for 5 surgeons to pilot The Surgeon's MDT

Did you
knowse...